Hide and Seek

September 6th, 2010

If you’d like to hear what I’m talking about, buy Purpose: Purpose CD Baby ($4)

Sample Purpose (click)
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I had a very difficult time finishing this piece.  It began as a simple exercise in exploring orchestrational possibilities in jazz chords while applying percussion techniques on the keyboard.  Adding a line for the saxophone simply seemed like the thing to do at the time, and it made it possible for me to have a live instrument for the presentation of my final project for the class for which I wrote the project.  So I wrote the first two minutes of this piece with no intent outside of making pretty sounds.  But I liked the sounds so much that I felt the need to turn them into a coherent musical exposition.  After being stuck on the piece for about six months, I finally decided that the only way I was going to finish it was to make up an ending that worked and polish it until it was good.

I have a very hard time feeling a sense of closure when a piece doesn’t seem to have any meaning outside of itself.  So even when I had all but finished the piece I still couldn’t leave it alone because I didn’t understand what it meant.  And yet I had already named the piece “Hide and Seek” simply because of the way it sounded.  It seemed to be trying to go somewhere profound, but became sad when it couldn’t get there.  Then it returned to searching for that profound place, this time without being concerned about the result.

The sound reminded me of my childhood games of hide and seek when I would be entertained by looking for my friends that had hidden from me.  It was enjoyable not because I found them, but because I found them through a process of searching for them.  But sometimes they would hide so well that I would grow weary of looking for them.  But it would then be all the more exciting when I found them.  But the purpose of the game wasn’t to find but to seek.  So becoming irritated because I couldn’t find my friend was silly since all that should have resulted was enjoying the game longer.

While applying this concept to life itself, and thinking about the music in the context of the Purpose project, I finally realized that this piece is about searching for the purpose of life.  Many people (myself included) become frustrated when attempting to work out the reason God put them on the earth.  While there is the obvious Sunday school answer of “serving, worshipping, knowing, and glorifying God”, very few people are satisfied with that answer and justifiably so. Knowing and glorifying God is an infinitely broad description of our purpose since God is an infinite being.  Saying that really means to do what we were doing all along but for a different reason and maybe throwing in a few religious practices to remind you of that reason.  But as dissatisfying as the answer may be, it’s still the correct one.  However, I’ve taken it a step further with this piece.

The beauty coupled with tension throughout the first fast section recounts the beauty of life in the midst of seeking the reason for our existence and being disillusioned by the answer we find.  This results in a discontentment because without knowing the details of why we were put on this earth we have no idea of what to expect from life.  So as we move into the slow section we wonder in vain why we exist and therefore what we should be doing with our lives.  But in the midst of this anxiety, we find that beauty remains inherent all around us, even throughout our pain.  This brings us to the second fast section in which the sounds that were harsh in the beginning have been reinterpreted and are beautiful.  Nothing has changed but our reason for perceiving.  We’ve realized that we exist for the sake of seeking the answer to the question of our existence.  God put us here to ask questions and seek answers.  Since God is throughout all aspects of creation, this ends up meaning that God put us here in order to seek Him.  We still haven’t moved beyond the broad Sunday school answer, but realization has satisfied me and justified my life and work.

Purpose hides and so we seek it.  But along the way we find beauty and realize that the purpose of life is the process of searching for it.


Purpose Audio Sample: Hide and Seek

July 16th, 2010

Click here to play sample.

I fear that this work may not be well received by certain kinds of people since it can come off largely as an inconclusive meandering of musical thought.  If it seems to be this to you, then I would encourage you to enjoy this work in the context of the Purpose project in its entirety and not as an individual composition since I composed, programmed, and recorded this for the sake of it being the center of the album.

It turned out the way it did because I am attempting to ask a question that no one has ever answered to my satisfaction:  ”Why do I exist?” God’s creation is wonderful and I love the mind, body, and relationships He’s given me so that I can enjoy it.  Most of all, I love the spirit He has put in my heart so that I can enjoy a relationship with God himself.  But why do I exist?  Why was I conceived and not someone else?  Why something rather than nothing?  Why does God exist and why did he create physical existence instead of not creating it?

After asking these questions for years, it has been revealed to me that while all things are for a reason, it is not for us to know that reason. Therefore, all we can do is follow God’s commands and enjoy the things he has given us in accordance with those commands.  This realization does not answer the question, but it helps us understand that as much as it concerns us, the reason we exist is to please God and enjoy what he has given us.

Purpose hides and so we seek it.  But somewhere on the way we find beauty and realize that the purpose of life is the process of searching for it.

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Context and Prelude are on CD Baby for $4.  Click here to purchase.

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What Should Believers Do With Secular Art?

January 28th, 2010

In the past I’ve heard people say that we Christians should eliminate any sources of entertainment in our lives that are not of a profound spiritual nature.  That somehow all of the art we consume has to be holy and set apart to glorify God and all other art should simply be dismissed.  Also, in the dark past of recent Christian history even certain sounds themselves were considered unfit for worship in the church.  The drum set has been (and rare cases still is) an instrument of the devil and having the beat on two and four causes a raging desire for unholy pleasures (if you know what I mean).  This detail in particular offends me deeply since playing drum set is one of the primary ways in which I worship my Savior.

Since I’m dealing with extremes, I should probably shed light on the opposite end of the spectrum:  Since the earth and everything in it is the Lord’s, he has the ability to redeem anything.  This must include art.  So people take that to mean that if they are believers, they can consume any art they want and so long as they are using the experience to learn about God.

Both of these extremes are equally dangerous.  The former because to consider any human art as incapable of being corrupted is itself a clear demonstration of pride (the most satanic and destructive sin of all).  Similarly, it is shameful for a man to think he has the authority to label anything or anyone unfit for the kingdom of God.  It’s God’s call, not ours.  It is also dangerous because this view makes accusations based on a lack of cultural familiarity and not the word of God.  The drum set and the guitar are intimate parts of our culture, and to condemn the objects themselves without clear biblical grounds means that we (not God) condemn the culture we do life in.  Not to mention that this is a sick and twisted materialistic view of holiness.  Holiness comes from our hearts, minds, and lives, not the tools we use to show admiration to God.

The other extreme is dangerous because Satan uses very subtle ways of getting us to stray from our faith, and one tool he’s very fond of is beauty out of its proper context.  Dance is a wonderful artistic tool, but it can be used in a pornographic way very easily and subtly (I define pornography as anything meant to awaken sexual desire outside of it’s proper context).  It can be very easy for a man (or woman really) to justify consuming such art by saying that they are admiring a well crafted and beautiful presentation that has no obvious sexual reference.  Yet they know that watching is encouraging them to fall into lust.  The principal in this example applies to everything.  If you’re reaction to a work of art is sin, or the art has the intent of tempting us rebel against God then don’t consume it.  At the same time, don’t instinctively condemn art because you’re reaction to it is sin because it may be you that is the problem and not the art.

So then, there is no clear line of right and wrong when it comes to entertainment.  There are some things that can be labeled as a clear attack on the moral principals that guide us in our daily lives, but most secular art is not that simple.  Use the good judgement that God gave you.  Don’t listen to things that make you stumble in your walk with Christ, meditate on the things that draw you closer to Him, and don’t consume art you’ve approved for yourself around you weaker brothers and sisters (who you are commanded to love) that can’t handle it.

I would like to end this by justifying and recommending a work of art that is clearly secular.  In 1997, The Five Sacred Trees, by John Williams, was released and added to the neglected genre of “Bassoon Concerto”.  If you don’t know what a bassoon is, I strongly urge you to purchase this recording and consume it until you are well informed about the beauty of the sound which a bassoon can produce.  This work is a beautiful depiction of a very specific component of nature, and it is very easy to use this work to help you marvel at the wonderful creation around you.  Ever since I consumed this work, I have not been able to look at a tree without marveling at God’s awesome workmanship.  However, it is very possible that some believers have struggled with tree worship and witchcraft in their past.  I highly doubt I’ll ever come into contact with someone like this since tree worship has not been common for quite some time, but if a rare exception stumbles upon this work I would strongly recommend that they carefully consider what their reaction might be before they listen to this.  I mean this very sincerely, but I also mean it as an example of what I’ve just discussed.  Just because one person stumbles into sin because of a work of art doesn’t make the work unholy.  It simply means that the person should not be listening to it.

Do purchase and enjoy this work.  It is $4.95 on iTunes, and worth every penny.  Feel free to give it a rating and write a review as it needs much more attention than it has gotten these 13 years. John Williams, Judith LeClair & London Symphony Orchestra - Hovhaness: Mysterious Mountain - The Five Sacred Trees (Concerto for Bassoon and Orchestra): I. Eó Mugna


Purpose

January 19th, 2010

Coming this June:

Oath of Unity (Demo) (Click to sample)


Against Indifference

October 14th, 2009

Click here to listen to Against Indifference.

Click here to download (recommended).

Click here to link to Pascal’s Pensees.

Click here to download the score, bassoon part, and piano reduction.
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Far too often, people go through life without considering the possibility of having some sort of eternal existence.  They assume that we live, die, and that is the extent of our consciousness.

It is assumed that our senses gather information from the world around us, our intellect processes this information, and we then posses truth.  But who is to say that our senses are reliable when in actuality there is irrefutable evidence that no one has an unquestionable perception.  Not only that, but there are basic limitations in even an “ideal” human perception.  We can only hear a very small part of the sound spectrum.  Our eyes see a very limited number of colors compared to the incredible amount of wavelengths that we do not see.  We create instruments to lessen these limitations, but there will always be limitations despite our triumphs.

There is an obvious limitation to the knowledge we are able to posses since we cannot sense the entire universe.  It is therefore very safe to assume that we are not capable of understanding even a small part of existence.  And yet many assume that what their senses detect is all that exists until their instruments tell them that there is more.  But until it’s proven by our limited sensitivity and knowledge, we won’t believe it.

What if there is an existence so far removed from our physical senses that it cannot be defined by any instrument that we are capable of creating?  No one can prove this to be false because this knowledge is by nature inaccessible.  Why then would one not consider the possibility of our own consciousness having something to do with this existence that is outside of our understanding?  Why would one not consider the possibility of having an eternal existence as a result of this reality that we are incapable of comprehending.  If we can’t fully understand existence, we must come to the conclusion that we also don’t understand our own existence outside of our senses.  We very well may be a being that is living in this existence we don’t understand.  We may very well always live in it even after the bodies that we are controlling pass on.  Who has the knowledge to refute this possibility?

If we have an eternal existence, there must be a creator since evolution is dependant upon our consciousness existing only in the perceptible physical world.  Procreation explains our physical existence, but it does not explain how our intangible existence comes alive.  Therefore, there must be a creator that designs our being, and this creator must be alive since life does not spring from inanimate existence.  If we have a living creator outside of perceptible physical existence, should it not be our primary pursuit to discover our original designer and use our freewill to do what we were designed to do?

Having a soul changes everything.  Indifference to this matter is inexcusable.

Movement I, To the Apathetic

“But as for those who spend their lives without a thought for this final end of life and who, solely because they do not find within themselves the light of conviction, neglect to look elsewhere, and to examine thoroughly whether this opinion is one of those which people accept out of credulous simplicity or one of those which, though obscure in themselves, none the less have a most solid and unshakable foundation: as for them, I view them very differently.”

-Pascal

Movement II, A Lament for Doubt

“I can feel nothing but compassion for those who sincerely lament their doubt, who regard it as the ultimate misfortune, and who, sparing no effort to escape from it, make their search their principal and most serious business.”

-Pascal

Movement III, Search and Fruition

To live a life within the context of eternal existence gives us joy beyond our understanding.  Seek this truth, and it will reveal itself to you.